Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Jimmy Eat World is one of my favorite bands. One of the lines in their songs about lost love is, "Should've never started. Ain't that the way it always ends?" There is definitely a profound truth in that. When long, meaningful relationships end, it's always so painful. In the beginning/middle everyone's so gung ho and you think stupid things like, "Even if we break up tomorrow, I'm so glad I get to be here today." You just feel like no price is too high to have the priveledge of experiencing that kind of elated happiness. Hind sight is 20/20. Now, looking back over the past year it seems like it's not really worth it. The more fond memories I have and the happier I remember being, the more sad I feel at the end and the more difficult it is to get over this. It's like feeling completely at home and secure with someone only makes it more shocking when the whole thing falls apart. If I had spent the last year miserable, the end would be a lot easier but I was so HAPPY. It doesn't make sense and I'm having a really hard time processing all this. Whoever coined the phrase, "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was obviously never in love. They were just enjoying some mild form of infatuation that passed as quickly as it began. If they were really in love, they would never have been foolish enough to have said a stupid thing like that. I only want to have had this experience with Gabe if I get to keep him. Since he's just gonna turn out to be the jerk who left me behind, I wish he would have never said he loved me.