Wednesday, August 30, 2006

How to Hug a Baby


Instructions for properly hugging a baby.
1. First, spy a baby.

2. Second, be sure that the object you spied was indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you smell baby powder and the wonderful aroma of wet diapers this is indeed
a baby.

3. Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the hugging process. **Note: The added slobber should help in future steps by making the "paw slide" easier.

4. The "paw slide" - Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close - up

5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" so as to achieve the best photo quality

Dogs, if this is properly done, it will secure you a warm, dry, climate-controlled environment for therest of your life. Good luck to all of you!

Monday, August 28, 2006

A Day at the Races

The horse races are in town right now at the Del Mar Race track and me and my brother, Dallas went to them on Saturday. It was really fun. I've never been to the races before so I had no idea how the betting worked. Dallas had to show me everything. I bet $20 for the whole day which consitst of a series of 10 races. I was betting $3 a race at the beginning. You can bet on who will place, who will win, who will lose... it gets really complicated. For fun, me and Dall covered up the odds and picked a horse to win each race based on the horse's name. By race 9 I had lost all of my money and was down to my last $2 which I had on a horse...and I won!! $7.40. The 10th race had my favorite horse of the day in it, Popcicle Gal and she was picked to win. I bet all $9.40 on her and stood with baited breath as the gates shot open and the horses lunged forward. It was a flurry of churning legs and flying turf and trotting along, at a leisurly pace, at the very back was Popcicle Gal. I lost everything! It was devistating!! It's probably for the best though because If I had won hundreds of dollars, anything I spent the money on would've turned into a pillar of salt as soon as I got it home because it was purchased with filthy lucre. The day wasn't a complete wash. For around $40 I got a whole day of entertainment, some good food and we saw a free Jimmy Eat World concert at the end that was REALLY good. They're one of my favorite bands so that was great. If any of you are ever in town in the Summer, I denitely recommend the races. Even if you don't want to bet, it's still fun to be out with all the people and witness the excitement "where the surf meets the turf, down at old Del Mar."

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Back to School

I am starting my Fall semester of college tomorrow. I will be going to school full time and maintaining my full time job. I'm trying to graduate next year so I'm taking 12 credits this semester. I'm a Literature major and these are my 4 classes:

Folklore and Mythology
Studies in Shakespeare
American Politics
American Society (Psychology)

I'm gonna be sooooo busy with homework that I'm sure I'll have no social life by the end of the semester. By the time Christmas comes my boyfriend will be married to someone else and my parents will have already had a memorial service for their long lost daughter. Truthfully, I love school and I always have. That's why I've been in college pretty much full time since I was 16. I think I've finally picked a major and I'm excited to get my first Bachelor's degree next year. Wish me luck!!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

One Millionaire

Being a resident of the US of A I am acutely aware that there are so many gajillionaires that live here. It is baffling to me how these people managed to accrue so much money. How did they do it? You read there personal histories and it always starts with them getting lucky. Warren Buffet took his $24,000 inheritance and sunk it into one stock that took off and made him wealthy. I should be so lucky. That kind of thing would never happen to me. Even $1 million is such and abstract number to me I can't even fathom what I would do with that kind of money. $1 million is like chump change tho these big business tycoons. The wouldn't even notice if they spent that much money. Which brings me to the point of this blog. I don't think it's too much to ask for just one American gajillionaire to give me $1 million measely dollars. Here's a little shout out to Oprah, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart, Bill Gates, etc. Just one million guys, come on. If you split it between you it's like a trip to the grocery store for you. I promise I won't squander the money, I'll use it to buy a house and food and stuff.

There's only one small problem with this scheme: No one reads my blog. Certainly not the countries top gajillioaires. A lot of people read Mark's blog and I honestly have no idea how all of his readers found out about him. Mark, I would like you to use you obviously adequate netwroking skills to attract the countries gajillionaires to my blog. Thank you in advance and please, no foreign gajillionaires. I don't want to go through the hassle of overseas banking.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Tagged: I'm It

Kell tagged me to answer the following questions about books in my life... So here goes:

ONE BOOK THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: I'm a Literature major in college so this category has a vast expanse for me. I'm a devout Mormon so obviously the Bible and the Book of Mormon. It's amazing how the principles taught way back when can still apply to our lives today.

ONE BOOK THAT I'VE READ MORE THAN ONCE: "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd. Hands down my favorite book. It's so poetic and poignant a story about how we all just go on even when life sucks. My aunt sent this to me when I was going through my divorce. On the inside cover she wrote, "Dear Tie, May life's journey bring you once again to the well of love from which you sprang." Beautiful words, beautiful story, beautiful book.

ONE BOOK I WOULD WANT ON A DESERT ISLAND: Coffee table books. Specifically the Time Life series. They're like a photographic history. I can stay entertained with them forever.

ONE BOOK THAT MADE ME LAUGH: Recently, "Bare Necessity" by Carol Matthews. The author's Brittish dry sense of humor cracked me up!

ONE BOOK THAT MADE ME CRY: "Where the Red Fern Grows" by Wilson Rawls. Little Ann and Old Dan break my heart to this day. I really miss those dogs. I could cry right now.

ONE BOOK I WISH HAD BEEN WRITTEN: A book about the adavantages of waiting until 30 to get married. This should be in textbook form and taught to high school students as part of their cirriculum.

ONE BOOK I WISH HAD NEVER BEEN WRITTEN: All of the "The Cat Who..." books by Lilian Jackson Braun. STUPID! Pseudo-murder mysteries written from the point of view of a cat...kinda. I can't explain it except to say that I've weeded my way through two of them because they come so highly recommended and they totally SUCK! A complete waste of my time.

ONE BOOK I'M CURRENTLY READING: "Hawaii" by James A. Michener. My mom gave me this book and it was given to her mother by one of her aunts many years ago. With the history of the book, I loved it before I started reading it but the story inside is epich. It is a history of the Hawaiian Islands told through the lives of fictional characters. The writing is vivid and beautiful. It's a really long book but it's okay because I don't really want it to end.

ONE BOOK I'VE BEEN MEANING TO READ: "The Devil Wears Prada" by Lauren Weisberger. I want to read it before I see the movie. I just bought it off for $2.50 and I'll start it this week.

NOW TAG 5 PEOPLE: I don't think 6 people even read my blog so... whoever reads this is tagged... I know who you are!