Saturday, November 17, 2012

Living With the Savages

Lately, I've had a sneaking suspicion that the creatures I live with are not human children, but wild animals, or at least a combination of the two.  As conditions have worsened, I've begun gathering evidence to support this theory.  Below are examples of the behavior I've witnessed:

  • Eating Habits:  My children refuse to use eating utensils and, instead use their hands or lap their food up right from their plates.  The little one seems to enjoy purposefully spreading her food through her hair, perhaps to retain the scent.

  • Methods of Communication:  Although my oldest child is fluent in English, and the younger one is equipped with all the basics of the language, they often choose to communicate using a series of grunts, growls, howls and hisses instead.  A large portion of my day is spent trying to decipher these intonations in order to meet their needs.  Their verbal skills seem to break down in direct proportion to the amount of time I require them to spend indoors.  A rainy day will reduce them to a crying-only system of language. 

  • Physical Prowess:  My children seem to possess a strength beyond what one would expect from a young child.  They are able to take down baby gates, move furniture, hurl toys, and run from me, their mother, with a force that I have not before witnessed.  If I try to contain them to prevent such behavior, they escape almost immediately and continue their exploits with a doubling of purpose.  The little one has even been known to bite in these instances.

  • Sleeping Habits:  Although the older one has seemed to outgrow this phenomenon, both of my children have gone through a period where their sleep cycles do not follow any recognizable biorhythm.  They awake in the middle of the night with no know provocation, even if they have been asleep only a short time.  They fall asleep in strange, unfamiliar surroundings, such as shopping carts, in the swings at the park, or in their highchair at a restaurant.  When they do sleep, they toss and turn and babble on about random subjects.
To date, none of these behaviors have caused any real harm to any of the members of our family (with the exception of the occasional biting) and is not too much of a cause for concern.  My husband and I choose, instead, to view these strange actions with wonder, amusement, and even pride.  Our older child has begun to show some signs of departing from her savage nature in favor of civility, so we know these days are fleeting.  We are extensively documenting our experience though photographs and video for our children to share with their spouses when their own children begin to exhibit these behaviors.

Thursday, November 08, 2012

Caution Reader- This Post is Yucky!

I have had a reoccurring dream for several years that I find very disturbing.  I dream that I get an itch on the palm of my hand and, when I go to scratch it, I find a bump there.  Out of the bump, comes a worm.  It comes out in different ways: Sometimes I can see little antennae sticking out and, when I pull on them, the worm comes out.  Sometimes I squeeze the bump and the worm comes out.  Sometimes, the worms are vividly fluorescent colored, almost like a cartoon.  Sometimes, like last night, the worms are brown and very realistic.

A couple of things are the same every time I have this dream.  The worms are always coming out of my hands.   At the beginning of the dream, I don't feel too alarmed about the worms and am just relieved to get them out.  Then, as more and more continue to show up, I begin to panic, which is usually what wakes me up.  I hate having this dream!  I can never go back to sleep after it and usually end up getting up and cleaning something around the house.

I looked up the meaning of this dream on some dream interpretation sites.  The closest match I could find was "worms under the skin," which I saw on several sources.  They all say pretty much the same thing:  Dreaming about worms under your skin means there is someone in your life upsetting you or that you don't trust.  The person upsetting you can even be yourself, i.e. you have a poor self-image or low self esteem.  It can also represent a high level of stress or unidentified health issues.

Now, I'm a confident person and I like myself pretty well, so I don't think it's the poor self image thing.  Although my life isn't perfect,  I'm generally happy and have a laid back attitude, so I don't think it's the stress.  There are a few things bugging me, but that's just part of life and I really don't think it's getting to me that much.  There's not anyone close to me that I find untrustworthy or that I'm secretly upset with.  So, what's the problem?

I'm normally not an overanalyzer (is that even a word?) and I don't dwell on negative things too much.  The reason why I'm putting so much effort into figuring out this dream is that I don't think I can stand to have it again!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A Changed Woman

I really am a changed woman.  Before I had kids, I was so much fun!
I was all, "Hey!  Coast Guard party!"
And the Coasties were all, "Hey! Tiecen's here and her stomach is so flat!"
And my brothers were all, "Thank you for letting us come over tonight!  You're so cool!"

Then, I had Olivia.  And my stomach was noticeably less flat but I was still pretty fun.
I was all, "Me and 7 of my girlfriends are gonna go walk 5 miles, by the beach, in less than an hour, at 6 am, while pushing strollers!"
And my best friend, Nikole was all, "Come over after you get the baby to bed and we'll paint our nails and watch a movie."
And my brothers were all, "I'm gonna go out to a club downtown tonight and I'll come over to your house after so we can hang out til 3 in the morning."

Then I had Ruby.  And my stomach had drifted pretty far from what one would call flat, but I was heading back to my old, fun self pretty quickly.  Then, when she was two weeks old, BAM! I had a pulmonary embolism (blood clots to my lungs).  I spent the past year getting better and I think I'm pretty much fully recovered (with some residual damage), but things just aren't the same.
I'm all, "Wow!  I really wanna stay up 'late" to finish watching Hocus Pocus on the Disney Channel but I'm just not gonna make it."
And Nikole's all, "Sweetie, you're so tired, let me paint your nails for you and you can head home before dinner."
And my brothers are all, "I'll come over on Sunday afternoon before I head out with my friends."

And I'm all, "Yeah! I made it through the entire level 3 of Sweatin' to the Oldies!"
And Nikole's all, "Let's stop a minute so you can catch your breath."
And Gabe's all, "Babe, you look so cute when you wear my sweats."

I'm a changed woman.  But they are so, so, so worth it.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

More From the Floor

Snippets from my writing journal, Part II- Brief Bursts of Philosophy:

-I wouldn't want to have a disease named after me.  I feel bad for the posterity of Lou Gehrig.  Any time they tell someone their last name, they'll go, "Like the disease?"

-Here comes a new moon, fittingly starting off the month with an  inky, suffocating blackness.  The lack of light is a stark reminder of my dismal prospects at contentment.

-Nothing shook my faith so much as the mythology class I took where I learned all about the other fanatics who are sure they're right.  I'm half convinced that I too am a fanatic but if it makes me happy, then what's the harm?  Having absolute truth is overrated and, in my world, takes a back seat to happiness.

-Clearly the only person who cares about me is me since I'm the only one who listens when I'm talking.

-If I watch any more Court TV they'll have to give me a law degree... and a prescription for Prozac.

-"I'm often accused of going off on tangents but it's very important to stay patiently with a thought or you will lose precious insights in an effort to move on to the next thing."  This was a quote from one of my favorite professors.

-The question keeps coming to me: How can I reach out to others?  Sure, I want to help, but I'm not 100% altruistic.  I want to feel a connection to things, to people, to the world.

Saturday, March 24, 2012


I think, for the next few posts, I'll put up some random stuff from my writing journals.  I carry a notebook around with me and write down ideas and stuff when they come to me.  Some of it makes it into poems, stories or articles but a lot of it never gets out of the notebook.  I have hundreds of little snippets littering my journals like a cutting room floor.  I have fun looking back over some of the things that crossed my mind, and maybe you will too.  Here's a poem:


Am I a song?
     Chorus and verse connected
     Memory interjected

Am I a riddle?
     A misunderstanding
     An answer demanding

Am I a poem?
     Moving in rhythm
     Intimacy given

Am I prose?
     A noun, adjective, verb
     The common man's word

Am I a speech?
     Politics, promises, first impressions
     Carefully guarded intentions

Am I a lesson?
     Knowledge to impart
     Academic heart

Am I a lecture?
     Reprimand for mistakes
     Advice I didn't take

Am I an advertisement
     A pretty package
     A billboard in traffic

Am I a ballad?
     A recurrent refrain
     An oft spoken name

Am I a eulogy?
     A life celebrated
     Goodness exaggerated

Am I an article?
     A source of expertise
     Informative and brief

Am I a story?
     Innocent and mild
     Comforting a child

Am I a novel?
     A predetermined plot
     Complete with epilogue

Am I a diary?
     Casually introspective
     Privately self-reflective

Am I a sonnet?
     A sigh of delight
     A murmur of night

Am I an announcement?
     A rooftop confession
     A public obsession

Am I a cliche?
     Lost originality
     Trite commonality

Am I a definition?
     A resolved concept
     Creatively inept

Am I a sermon?
     A basic truth
     Belief without proof

I am speaking
     Optimism and rage
     Words on a page

Friday, March 02, 2012

Happy Anniversary Baby, Got You on My Mind

Tomorrow is my 5th wedding anniversary (5 years married, not 5 weddings) and, at the risk of being overly sappy, I'd like to utilize this post as a little public service announcement to my husband:

Happy anniversary, Gabe!  I love you more today than I did when we got married.  Watching you grow as a husband has made me very proud of you and watching you become an exceptional father has convinced me that you're my soul mate.  You never hesitate to do whatever you need to do to meet the needs of your family, even at the expense of meeting your own needs.  Your little girls adore you and I know you feel the same way about them.  You make me feel like I'm beautiful and smart and special and I know that I must be to deserve a wonderful man like you by my side.  I'm grateful for every minute we have together and I miss you every second we're apart.  Here's to the 5 years we've had, to the 50 more I'm hoping for and to all of eternity after that.  Thanks for the babies!!!

Monday, February 20, 2012

English 101

Right: The opposite of left.
Right: The opposite of wrong.
Right: An inalienable circumstance to which one is entitled by divine assignment.
Wright: A common last name.
Write: Something one does with pen and paper.
Write: Something one does with a computer and creativity.
Rite: A ceremony signifying progression with religious or societal significance.

I have a firm command of the English language. The question is: how do I explain this to a three-year-old?

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

You Might Be a Mormon in San Diego If:

  • You live in San Diego but your cell phone has and 801 area code.
  • You root for BYU sports even though you never attended school there.
  • You've likened surfing to the gospel in a talk in church.
  • Your new pair of "church shoes" is a $30 pair of flip-flops.
  • You're too tired to go to school because you attended 5 am seminary.
  • You've been to a ward beach party.
  • You go to Utah for Christmas.
  • You're totally stoked when you find a store that sells modest bathing suits.
  • Your acquaintances have asked you how many wives your dad has.
  • Your acquaintances have asked you if you go to church in the castle in La Jolla.
  • Your friends accuse you of being the one who sent the missionaries to their house.