Lately, I've had a sneaking suspicion that the creatures I live with are not human children, but wild animals, or at least a combination of the two. As conditions have worsened, I've begun gathering evidence to support this theory. Below are examples of the behavior I've witnessed:
- Eating Habits: My children refuse to use eating utensils and, instead use their hands or lap their food up right from their plates. The little one seems to enjoy purposefully spreading her food through her hair, perhaps to retain the scent.
- Methods of Communication: Although my oldest child is fluent in English, and the younger one is equipped with all the basics of the language, they often choose to communicate using a series of grunts, growls, howls and hisses instead. A large portion of my day is spent trying to decipher these intonations in order to meet their needs. Their verbal skills seem to break down in direct proportion to the amount of time I require them to spend indoors. A rainy day will reduce them to a crying-only system of language.
- Physical Prowess: My children seem to possess a strength beyond what one would expect from a young child. They are able to take down baby gates, move furniture, hurl toys, and run from me, their mother, with a force that I have not before witnessed. If I try to contain them to prevent such behavior, they escape almost immediately and continue their exploits with a doubling of purpose. The little one has even been known to bite in these instances.
- Sleeping Habits: Although the older one has seemed to outgrow this phenomenon, both of my children have gone through a period where their sleep cycles do not follow any recognizable biorhythm. They awake in the middle of the night with no know provocation, even if they have been asleep only a short time. They fall asleep in strange, unfamiliar surroundings, such as shopping carts, in the swings at the park, or in their highchair at a restaurant. When they do sleep, they toss and turn and babble on about random subjects.
To date, none of these behaviors have caused any real harm to any of the members of our family (with the exception of the occasional biting) and is not too much of a cause for concern. My husband and I choose, instead, to view these strange actions with wonder, amusement, and even pride. Our older child has begun to show some signs of departing from her savage nature in favor of civility, so we know these days are fleeting. We are extensively documenting our experience though photographs and video for our children to share with their spouses when their own children begin to exhibit these behaviors.